All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

If you can't laugh at yourself I'll be glad to do it for you

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON

normal people worry me

you say physco like it's a bad thing

those who think they know everything, annoy those of us that do

I'm going to live life or die trying

There are some days when I just don't feel like talking.. Today is that day.

Life is not measured by the number of breathes we take, but by the number of moments that take our breath away.

Inside this body lies that of a skinny lady.  But I can usually shut her up with chocolate.".

"They misunderestimated me!" -George W. Bush"

"Don't criticize my mess unless you'd like to become part of it."

Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

"I've had a wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx

- "I never think of the future - it comes soon enough." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something."
-- Plato

"Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood". --Oscar Wilde

I wasn't born a bitch; men like you made me that way.

Answering machine message:Hi. Now you say something.

Judge me all you want, but keep the verdict to yourself.

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets."

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am
"Try not to become a man of success, but rather, try to become a man of value." -- Albert Einstein